Loss and Satisfaction
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: Hunter used to hate losing so much that it consumed his life. He still hates it now, don't get him wrong, but he also realizes that there's much more to life than just what goes on between the ropes. - One-shot.


When he was younger, a loss, no matter how significant, could send him into a funk for days. Until he was able to redeem himself. A losing streak could send him on a tear. All relationships became toxic (as if they were good to begin with) and many of his friends or family knew better than to call on him. As he grew, both in ability and physically, these sorts of things became fewer and further in between.

There was a time, of course, that horrible time when nothing seemed to go right and his marriage crumbled and he felt like he'd never get himself straight again, but those days were far behind him. His marriage was more than steady, it was as perfect as he'd ever get it, his prowess in the ring had provided him more opportunities than manipulating the system publicly ever had, and, most important of all, he now had a little tiny baby there to cheer him on.

His life really was shaping up perfectly.

But still, that did not mean that he was without incidences of failure and, unfortunately, for a week or so there, it felt like that was all he had going on. His matches were frustrating and he was feeling out matched, out foxed, and out smarted. Nothing more for him. By the time he arrived home from the terrible road trip in which he'd lost more than he'd won, Hunter was ready to bang his fist into the bricks outside the house until his knuckles were bloodied and he went numb.

Instead though, he only took his bag and trudged inside. Steph wasn't there to greet him, like she was not too many months ago, but that was fine because he knew where she was. And he found her there, in the nursery of their massive home, where she was tending to the very fussy little baby that he heard screaming her head off as soon as arrived.

Steph glanced up at his entrance to the room and, over the sound of the baby, she tried to tell him that he could go shower and relax; she'd be with him in a second. But he didn't head off to drop his bag in the laundry room or go shower. No, he only dropped it right there, in the floor of the nursery, and came forwards to look down at his little daughter as well. She'd just started teething not too long ago and had been horrible about the whole thing.

He understood. It hurt. She was in pain. She wanted it to stop. She didn't understand why it kept happening or why the two people assigned with keeping her from hurting weren't helping to stop it. Considering he was gone so much, it wasn't really something he had to deal with a lot, but Steph had more than complained about teething the past few days and he wasn't shocked to stumble upon the continuing growing pains of a child under the age of one.

Her screams and whines didn't cease, just from the sight of her father, and she resisted when he reached over to take her from her mother's arms. Stephanie, who'd been walking around the room, gently bouncing the baby in hopes of soothing her, was resistant as well, but gave up the child when her father insisted.

Stephanie thought he looked terrible. His expression was sour, his body language was off, and she could see a nasty bruise peaking out from beneath his left sleeve. Then there was the fact that she knew all about his struggles recently, in the ring and backstage, nad new that he just wasn't in a good place. He needed sleep, as much sleep as he could get while he was home, and didn't need to worry about a whining baby.

"I can take her somewhere else," Stephanie offered him as the man only took to the bouncing then, head bowed as he stared down at his daughter's contorted face. "Downstairs. She might like to go out on the back porch. And you can get some rest. You need it. You have to be back on the road tomorrow afternoon. Were you hungry? I-"

"Stephanie." And he was turning then, to walk out of the room, but he was taking the baby with him. "Shut the fuck up."

He got a look, he could feel it, at his retreating back, but Stephanie said nothing while he only took one of her suggestions and carried the whining baby with him down the stairs and to the back porch. This did nothing at first to dismay her tears, but as he relaxed into one of the chairs there, on the deck, a soft breeze picked up at the feeling distracted the child, momentarily, from her own problems as she marveled a bit at the feeling.

Resting her on his knee, Hunter considered the cool air of the early winter evening and thought of his failures of late.

Was his mind in the wrong place?

Perhaps that was it. Perhaps he was so focused on trying too hard to be the best and to get noticed and to hold every title possible that he'd lost the reason he'd ever gotten into the company to begin with.

He loved it. He loved it so much. He loved it in a way that he'd never loved something before. The company gave him a place and a purpose and a reason to hold onto that aggression and anger rather than do as others always told him to, to bury it until you didn't feel it anymore.

This wasn't the case any longer though, it felt like. Now his aggression was turning on him and was misplaced and he was constantly fucking things up, but his luck had to turn soon.

Right?

The baby in his arms, now just whining loudly, stuck a finger in her little mouth and began to drool, heavily, whine staring up at him with sad eyes.

Maybe he'd lost focus.

Yes, that was possible. In a few short years he'd gotten back with Stephanie, married her once more, and now had their first child together. While, at one point in time, this was everything he wanted and was broadcasting it to the entire planet, now this was all done in secret and at times, consumed his mind. It worried him that someone might find out about him and Stephanie, that they might ham her in retaliation. That they might attempt to ruin what was so perfect, because he was perfect this time, he swore, but if too many people were keyed in on it, they could do as they'd done before.

They could separate them.

But he couldn't be separated from Stephanie. Not again. Especially now that his baby, his little tiny daughter that he cared so much for, that the love he had for the company, that was so special once upon a time, paled in comparison to, was on the line. It didn't matter how bad things got with Stephanie, ever.

He'd never leave them.

They were all that mattered.

But at what price was this coming? Had it clouded his mind? Was he spending too much time thinking and worrying about Steph and the baby and their life that he wasn't spending enough worrying about real things in the ring. Maybe he wasn't training enough. Maybe he wasn't getting enough rest. Maybe he was spending too much time with the baby, even though it felt like it wasn't near enough. She didn't love or care for him near as much as Steph, but still, maybe that was how it had to be.

For him to get what he wanted.

But what did he want? Did he want to work more and hard and stronger and longer?

Or did he want moments like he was having right then as she was reaching up to pat at his face with her gross, spitty fingers. He only sat there, allowing this, watching her sad eyes with his dark own.

How was it that he finally had everything that he ever wanted, but none of it felt right yet? What was out of place?

Maybe that was just him. Overall. Never satisfied. He'd never truly felt it, anyways, at any point in his life. He was always thinking of the next big thing that he had to do. The next title, the next match, the next conquest. He felt happy with his marriage and he loved his baby, but…

"Okay, so I'm gonna try this new thing. Well, not new, but I hadn't tried it before, so new to us, I guess?"

And Stephanie was coming out on the back porch then, a pacifier in one hand. Hunter made a bit of a face as of course it wouldn't work, sucking on that would alleviate nothing. But as Stephanie dropped it in his palm, he almost dropped from how ice cold it felt.

"I put it in the freezer," his wife explained as she tugged the other deck chair closer to his, curving it slightly so that she could watch their daughter. "It should help sooth her gums."

He was skeptical, as he was with most things, and the baby didn't like it being so cold at first, but that only lasted a moment or two before she was just sitting there, in his lap, sucking at her binky while toying with fingers.

Steph kept glancing over a thim, but Hunter wasn't in the mood for much more than he was dealing with at the moment and, sinking low in his chair, he only brushed his lips against his daughter's soft hair, letting out a bit of a sigh.

"You sure you're not ready for bed? Or want something to eat?" Stephanie asked because she just wasn't going to let him have it, was she? The silence that he craved? The depression he wanted to sink into? "And you have to let me look at that bruise on your arm, babe. It looks bad."

"Steph-"

"I know, I know. Shut the fuck up, right?" She huffed a bit, at that, looking off into the night as well then. "I'll stop caring now, if you want."

He actually knew exactly what he wanted to do then. Roll his eyes. But he didn't because that would do no good and he knew where his wife was coming from, anyways. He hadn't been much fun for her either, recently, to deal with. From work to the baby to him, his wife was suffering just as much, if not more than him.

She held it all together so that he could go out and do what it was he needed to win, and yet there he was, lamenting this fact. Stephanie did os much for him. And he appreciated it deeply.

He just sucked at showing it sometimes.

Looking over to her then, he only said, "I just wanna be with my baby right now. That's all."

Stephanie seemed to consider this and, eyes on the pair, she watched them for a few moments before saying, "Well, she has missed you."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

His eyes fell back down to the baby then as he told his wife, "I'm so fucked, Steph."

"Don't say that."

"Why? It's true. I-"

"Things are rough sometimes, but it always fades. You know that." Sitting up some, her eyes were strong against his as she said, "You're the best to ever do it, Hunter. You've suffered through so much. This is just a hurdle. Before the winter's over, you'll be back on top. You'll be the front runner going into 'mania. I just know it."

She was wrong though. Because before the winter was up, he'd have another near career ending injury and finally get all that time he wanted back at home, with his baby. And then some.

But…

He believed her, in that moment, because it made sense. What she said wasn't' wholly wrong, after all, in the man's mind. He was the best to ever do anything, honestly. He'd conqueror the entire company again.

It was only a matter of time.

Still, to his wife he only grunted a bit before glancing down at his daughter once more and, stroking at her cheek gently, he got her to stare him in the eyes once more, hers now drooping much like his own. It was finally time to sleep.

When he got up though, it was with a far more revived spirit than he'd sat down with and, snuggling his little baby close, he waited for his wife to get to her own feet and lead them back inside before following. She went right to their daughter's nursery and he got little complaint from the baby as he moved to set her in her crib as she only continued to suck away at her pacifier, watching him in wonder.

As he brushed a hand gently down her cheek, his wife asked from behind him, "Are you really okay? Hunter?"

When he lost when he was younger, it threw everything off because wrestling was his entire world. His job was all that mattered. But there was so much more that mattered now, especially that cute little thing that was trying so hard to stay awake as she watched him, but would definitely be asleep in the next few minutes. Even that minute, honestly, was a possibility.

He wasn't young anymore. And he had more important things in his life than just winning or losing. Titles were nice, but the most important ones he'd ever hold had nothing to do with belts and cheers (or jeers) of crowds.

He was old. Older, at least. And he couldn't be in bad moods over something as stupid as what went on in that ring. That shit had to stay on the road. Bringing it home just wasn't an option. Not when there were so many other things going on there that needed his attention.

The last thing his daughter saw before drifting off was the first true smile he'd had in days and, as he turned to address his wife, the woman returned it, though with a bit of unease.

"I'm home, ain't I? With my baby and woman?" He was moving passed his wife then, off to finally catch that shower so that he could pass out for awhile, in his own bed. "What could possibly be wrong with me?"

A lot, Stephanie knew, but she didn't push because that would get her nowhere good. And, after checking one last time (for the time being) on her daughter, she turned off to go get him something ready to eat, when his shower finished, knowing he'd be too tired to do so himself.

They met back in the bedroom, where he was slipping under the sheets. At the sight of her coming in with a plate, he didn't smile again because he was through with that it seemed, but he did pat the bed, gesturing her over.

There was a time too, of course, where losses would mean that she had to do much more for him, than just make him a sandwich, to keep him from feeling so down, but that didn't seem the case that night as after handing him the plate, she only cuddled down onto her side of the bed, needing some sleep herself.

"Did you wanna talk about it?" she yawned. "Baby?"

But he only shook his head.

"No, babe, I don't."

"I love you, you know."

She got a grunt from him, at first, and thought it was all she was getting, but after swallowing the bite of food in his mouth, he glanced down at her and, nodding his head, said, "I love you too."

She didn't get a smile from the man to drift off with, but she did have one on her own face and, well, it felt just as special.


End file.
